So We Think We Can Sew

Finally, the finale. With two days to go before the runway show at Bryant Park, Carol Hannah is still sick as a dog and crying in the workroom. Girlfriend needs to take a shit ton of DayQuil and nut up. It's Fashion Week, bitches. The boy assistants (Logan and Christopher) are sympathetic, but of course Bitch Queen Irina is not.

The designers go to their hair and makeup consultations. Lots of smoky eyes and ponytails. Yay? Now it's model-fitting time, which is actually going really well for Carol Hannah, not so well for Irina. Tim Gunn comes in to check on them. He's enthusiastic about Irina's thirteenth look, but tells her to watch the proportions and not make it too costume-y. Wise words. He's less excited about the exaggerated shoulders on Althea's thirteenth look, but that's kinda everywhere right now anyways (and yes, Tim, I'm not excited about it either). He comments that Althea's smudged and messy makeup sounds a lot like Irina's plan for makeup, which really doesn't help with Irina's "Althea's copying me" complex. Tim keeps his distance from diseased Carol Hannah, but seems positive about her thirteenth look, a lovely blue drapey gown. 

Work work work, everybody works. It's one day till the fashion show, and Carol Hannah feels a little better. Now it's crunch time and everyone getting the little details done, adding straps here and final seams there. But they also have to get everything together--the shoes, the accessories, the ridiculous shark fin helmet hats Irina made--to take to Bryant Park. They're up at 3 a.m. for the show, and it's gonna be a looooooong day.

They get to the tent and have a moment to take it all in, before it's back to work. They're styling the models and putting the last touches on the dresses. Irina has a zipper break and has to fix it right there. Basically, it's mass chaos, and Tim Gunn is not having it. The fact that Tim has lost his cool tells the designers that they need to get their shit together. The models aren't even lined up!

Heidi is wearing a ridiculous cropped fuchsia satin suit to introduce the show. The judges are Michael Kors, Nina Garcia, and Suzy Menkes, the fashion editor of the International Herald Tribune. That last guest judge spot on the finale usually goes to a fashionista celeb, which makes me think someone dropped out. Like last season when Jennifer Lopez stood up Project Runway last minute, and they had Tim Gunn fill in instead. Also, what is up with her bangs?

(A brief digression: When this fashion show took place, it wasn't clear that this season would ever air, due to the Bravo-Lifetime lawsuit. So the designers didn't actually come out to introduce their lines before they walked. What you saw in this episode was the result of greenscreening, crafty editing, and segments taped in front of a different Bryant Park audience. Supposedly the real crowd was close to silent after viewing the collections. You can read more about it from people who were there.)

Althea's sci-fi inspired collection goes first. It involves sweaters with really long arms, skinny belts, leather (Stella, where art thou?), and wide headbands. THE FUTURE IS HERE. Next up is sicko cutie-pie Carol Hannah's designs. She's got a lot of interesting pieces, but I'm not really seeing a common theme here, besides "pretty dresses." Still, even without a throughline, I like her collection more than Althea's. And finally, Irina's line. Let's quote Jason Linkins, who along with killing it on HuffPo every Sunday recapping the talk shows, also provides acute PR commentary via Twitter: "Irina's collection says to her, 'Home is where the heart is.' And in that home, the heart gets marauded, forever, by stormtroopers." Her collection is still pretty much all-black, save a camel sweater or fur here and there (and again with the too-long sleeves). It's all dominatrix gear with severe high ponytails and funny hats. Sorry Carol Hannah, but this is the kind of shit that is bound to win.

In front of the judges, Irina talks about how her warrior woman is tough yet feminine. But yes, it was a very coherent, finished line. Nina comments on the t-shirts. They were such a big deal last episode, and here it seems only one model wore one. (Another digression: Supposedly, the text on those t-shirts was plagiarized. And this from the contestant constantly accusing others of stealing her work!) But Nina didn't like that the line was all-black, which is something she explicitly warned the designers about. Carol Hannah was all about playing with the volume, and the judges have high praise for several of the outfits. But again, it's not a cohesive collection. Michael Kors gives Althea props for doing sportswear and separates, but the last three pieces really didn't fit with the rest of her line. Judges be deliberatin'. They bring out the three designers for one last time. Carol Hannah is out first, then Althea. And yes, that makes Irina the winner, for having the most fashiony fashion show. Now her Daddy loves her. Ugh. Season 7 of Project Runway starts in January (preview below), and it looks to be back in NYC, which is a start. This season sucked, so y'all better bring it.