Hey Google, Why is Seattle So…?
We’re borrowing a page from The Big Blog, who were curious what Google’s auto-complete could tell you about Washington. We’ll let them finish, but everyone knows Seattle is where it’s really at. So let’s get started.
Why is Seattle so…?
Okay, sure, rainy and cold, Google. Maybe get with the times. The National Weather Service just issued an Excessive Heat Watch for this Thursday and Friday, forecasting temperatures in the low-to-mid-90s. In fairness, Seattle is still pretty white, with some 70 percent of residents plunking for Caucasian. But again, after this week that could change, as 70 percent of Seattle residents will then vary from pink to outright red, at least for a few days.
That got us wondering. What about the ways in which Seattle isn’t “so,” but just is?
The Emerald City thing, that’s a fair question. But, come on, let’s not harp on the rain. The traffic so bad because you’re driving your car asking why the traffic is so bad. “Rat city”? That was a new one on us, though of course the Rat City Rollergirls did spring to mind. Turns out White Center is “Rat City,” though, not Seattle. That’s, like, libel or something, Google!
Feeling both existential and plural, we demanded to know why Seattle are.
Wow. This is a minefield. Starting the last first, Seattle drivers are slow for two reasons. First, because everyone suffers from SAD. Secondly, if the sun is out, because they are blinking like moles in the light. The Seattle Freeze has been discussed to death, and frankly you’re rude for bringing it up, Google. As for the “Seattle women” thing, YIKES! Let’s move along.
Lastly, we thought to check on our behavior. This is how everyone sees us, and it’s important to make a good–oh.
Do we hate OKC? Right. But–Excessive Heat Watch, for Pete’s sake! You know in July and August we average less than an inch of rain per month? That is a fact. So you can shove that “always,” Google.