Seattle Sports History Guarantees Obama Win
If you are an Obama backer planning to huddle under your bed all evening nervously considering possible Romney Supreme Court nominees, stop worrying! Seattle sports history proves–much more definitively than any lamestream media blog–that Obama is destined for a second term. The signals are all there:
Viking Victory: In 1984, 1996, and 2004–every previous election year in which the incumbent candidate won–the Seattle Seahawks defeated the Minnesota Vikings. On Sunday…the Seattle Seahawks defeated the Minnesota Vikings. OBAMA WINS!
Miserable Mariner May: In 1992, 1996, and 2008–every previous election year in which a Democrat won–the Seattle Mariners had a losing record in May. This year, the M’s were 12-17 in May. OBAMA WINS!
Highly-Rated Huskies: In 1948 and 1996–every previous election year in which a Democrat won the second of two full terms–the University of Washington football team was ranked during the season. This year, the Huskies were ranked #23 on September 30. OBAMA WINS!
More Mariner Misery: In 2008–the only time an African-American has been elected–the Mariners finished in last place. This year, the Mariners finished in last place. OBAMA WINS!
Hoops Hidden: In 1864 and 1872–the two previous times that a politician from Illinois won for a second term as President–Seattle did not have an NBA team. This year, Seattle does not have an NBA team. OBAMA WINS!
All in all, bad news for any Republicans out there. But numbers don’t lie! At the worst, you tea partiers could make a little untaxable offshore profit from this information.