Godzilla vs. Kong (2021 | USA | 113 minutes | Adam Wingard)

This is a snippet of a conversation I had with my girlfriend earlier this week:

Me: I’m going to watch Godzilla vs. Kong when it comes out on Wednesday so I can review it.

Her: Do you honestly think it’ll be very good?

Me: Oh no, it’s going to be terrible.

Her: Why are you watching it if you think it’s going to be bad?

Me: Because I think it might also be awesome.

Reader, I am delighted to report that all of my assumptions were correct. Godzilla vs. Kong is big, dumb, and it’s complete unneccessary. The acting is stilted at best, the characters don’t have much depth, and the plot could’ve been thrown out entirely. But if you’re looking for those things in a Godzilla and/or King Kong movie, you are a very different person than I. I think this movie rules. 

The plot, flimsy as it is, revolves around some scientists who prompt an attack on their Pensacola, FL headquarters by Godzilla for their efforts to create Mechagodzilla, a robot that can match up against Godzilla, King Kong, or any other imposing titans thrown his way. There are some scientists motivated by malevolence and others that are more altruistic. They clash. There’s also an adorable girl who is able to communicate with King Kong when no one else can. Here’s a good explainer of the plot, if you’re interested. The point is basically that King Kong and Godzilla shouldn’t have been provoked because it leads to bad, bad things. 

Now, if a movie called Godzilla vs. Kong failed to climax with a fight scene between two of the most legendary monsters in cinema history, it would be cause for an uprising inside the theater. Or at home, as it’s both in theaters now and streaming on something called HBO Max. It doesn’t disappoint.

I kind of wish I would’ve seen this movie in a theater because the size and sound of a movie theater would amplify its best qualities, but I’m not ready to go back to movie theaters, so I was satisfied watching at home.

The final battle is glorious. It’s beautifully filmed and fun to watch as the monsters (including Mechagodzilla) fight it out between Hong Kong skyscrapers. I don’t know what else to say. It’s cool as hell. It felt cathartic to watch the final fight scene, not just like I waited an hour and a half of a middling plot, but that I also waited for an entire year. Now I can move on to “better” movies. After being quarantined in my apartment for over a year, I can’t believe how much I “needed” Godzilla vs. Kong. 

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Godzilla vs. Kong is playing in select theaters and is streaming on HBO Max. Photo from Warner Brothers.