The King’s Man (2021 | USA | 131 minutes | Matthew Vaughn)
An unexpectedly boring blunder that proves to be the biggest cinematic disaster of the year, the atrocious The King’s Man kills any goodwill for a franchise already on its last legs.
A prequel of sorts to 2014’s Kingsman: The Secret Service and 2017’s Kingsman: The Golden Circle, it most fatally lacks any of the excitement of the prior entries. While certainly not flawless, those had at least some inventive action sequences. In particular, the first film had a church fight scene that remains a high mark of the franchise that it is now clear will never be matched. The second film was already pushing its luck and this newest entry is the final nail in the coffin.
Inexplicably set during World War I, the film opens just before said war in 1902 as we see Ralph Fiennes as Orlando Oxford (yes, that is his real name). A new character to the franchise, Oxford is already caught up as agent of the government in a conflict in South Africa that the Crown has no business being in and has inexplicably brought his young son along. Beyond the obvious reasons, this turns out to be a bad idea as the young child is there just in time to see his mother, who seems to be there to try to prevent war crimes, unceremoniously killed before we know much about her. Flash forward several years and Orlando’s son Conrad Oxford (Harris Dickinson) is now of an age where he is eager to serve in the military for the impending World War and is pushing his father to let him do so. The elder Oxford is opposed to the idea as he promised his dying wife that their son would not ever see a war zone.
This is a promise he quickly forgets. He soon takes his son to the front lines of a secret battle to prevent an impending global conflict. The Kingsman as we know it is not yet an organization, though it is clear that the film is showing the secret group’s origins. This proto-group includes Djimon Hounsou’s Shola and Gemma Arterton’s Polly, both charming actors who belong in a far better film, that round out the ragtag team trying to save the world from a shadowy Scottish figure. They are overseen by Charles Dance’s Kitchener and Matthew Goode’s Morton, British military officials who pop up every so often.
It is hard to overstate just how bizarre The King’s Man is. This isn’t meant in a good way. As it keeps losing itself in wild tonal shifts, it begins to feel like an elongated prank on the audience. There are moments where it is a quite dreary war film and others where it wants to be a fun action film devoid of anything serious. It succeeds at neither, instead becoming a mishmash of competing impulses that betrays a total lack of competence or a cohesive vision.
If you are looking for an entertaining action film, best look elsewhere as there isn’t one to be found here. For most of the runtime, it feels like we are waiting for something to happen. Characters fill time by traveling around to different countries trying to solve the mystery of the shadowy Scottish man’s identity. It isn’t intriguing or as interesting as it potentially sounds, often dragging us through boorish historical revisionism that feels constantly out of place. When we finally get a big extended fight sequence near the end, it feels both far too late and out of step with everything that had led up to it. This is true even more so in a bizarre scene in the middle that tries to make use of shock humor to hide the fact there aren’t well crafted fight scenes to admire like from the previous films.
Setting aside how ahistorical this storyline is, it simply never captures the interest. When the identity of the mastermind, who lives at the top of a rocklike tower with his goats, is revealed, it leaves no impact and lands with a thud. The film seems to think the reveal will be a stunning moment, but it really was just like ‘oh, I forgot that guy was even still in this movie.’ The ensuing fight scene is the film at its highest point, but it is not worth the painfully long journey to get there. It is a film that left me wanting it to end as soon as possible and counting down the minutes in my head until the sweet release of the credits. It is a complete and total misfire that could not have been more misguided in everything it tried. It leaves no lasting impact other than just how completely disastrous it proved to be.
You can watch The King’s Man in theaters starting December 22nd.