Blacklight (2022 | USA | 105 minutes | Mark Williams)

Not dissimilar from an insect infestation, Liam Neeson action movies showed up unannounced and somehow became ubiquitous before anyone really noticed what was going on. It’s been a lucrative career, and he gets far less shit than Bruce Willis. 

Neeson’s newest movie, Blacklight, is just dumb. It’s not unwatchable or anything, the pacing is fine, the action scenes are cool enough, but it’s just dumb. It’s easily the dumbest movie I’ve seen in recent memory, and last week I wrote about a movie that is just 90 minutes of dumb guys finding new and inventive ways to hit their dumber friends in the balls and that’s somehow a much smarter movie than this. 

Liam Neeson is Travis Block, a special fixer for the FBI that serves at the pleasure of its director, Aidan Quinn. Block’s specialty is getting undercover agents out of tricky situations when their cover is blown. It involves kicking lots of villain ass without breaking much of a sweat. He’s like the Wolf from Pulp Fiction in the body of a middle manager. Most of the time, Neeson looks lost or confused or not really sure why he’s here. Same, my dude, same. 

Things begin to unravel when his latest assignment is to get a young, rogue agent under control. Turns out the agent (played by Taylor John Smith) has knowledge of something called Operation Unity, which is some vague plan that involves innocent civilians being murdered by the FBI. Block had blind loyalty to Quinn’s Gabriel Robinson until he learns that the FBI is doing something with less than altruistic motives. He is shocked, shocked, shocked and his focus quickly shifts to exposing Operation Unity with the help of a plucky, young reporter (Emmy Laver-Lapman). How one of the FBI director’s most trusted associates knows less about the FBI’s sordid history than the average CNN viewer is not explained. 

Another puzzler is how a reporter with sensitive intel that the FBI is desperate to retain control of, after killing both the whistleblower and her editor, doesn’t have more protection at home than a door lock. Or how a family can be relocated without anyone noticing. Or… Never mind, there’s no point. 

Look, I’m on record for loving lots of dumb shit when it’s entertaining, but, man, this is too dumb even for me. 

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Blacklight begins playing in theaters today, February 11.